All You Need Is A Smiling Face (and tofu)

The most alluring feature of Club Tropicana are the drinks - they are absolutely free. Starting with the sparkling white wine at the check in, the umbrellaed cocktails while you wait for the suitcases to find their way to your room, the icy sloshies by the pool, the wine with dinner, the brandy after dinner and the shots during the post dinner dancing, by the time I got to looking at what was promised to be a stunning view, my vision was simply not up to the task.

Through my blurred vision, and as the rocky surface got dangerously friendly with my cheek, a kind and smiling stranger took my hand, sat me down, found a vain and led me to that special paradise only the dangerously wasted can experience through the gentle bite of an intravenous hydration. It is impressively rare for a hotel to be so well equipped to handle its patrons' special needs - as I woke up and saw the familiar mustach of the pool's bartender I learned that all alcohol serving staff are also trained nurses, fully prepared for such situations.

The next 2 days were a dream. With a serine and unending desert surrounding the hotel, Club Tropicana looks like an especially scrumptious mirage. From the inside it feels like the world has finally ended and all the was left are very, to extremely, tipsy young people ready to welcome the apocalypse with excessive sinning.

There were two things that made the experience just shy of perfect. While I am a huge fan of the 80s vibe, apparently the 80s were not very vegan friendly, and, aside from alcohol, my diet consisted mostly of french fries and ketchup. The other thing was the unfortunate absence of a beach - the whole atmosphere was very tropical and a sea was truly missing in order to complete it.

If you are young, available, have a strong liver and low morals, Club Tropicana has a whole lot of fun and sunshine waiting just for you. If you are vegan make sure to pack your own tofu into your bag. Other than that, the best advice I can give you is to catch the next plane and leave tonight.